The child sat by the road bawling loudly. A passer-by asked him what was the matter. "My ma, she's gone and drowned the kittens," the boy wailed. "Oh, isn't that too bad!" was the...
A certain famous preacher when preaching one Sunday in the summer time observed that many among the congregation ware drowsing. Suddenly, then, he paused, and afterward continued i...
It was visiting day at the prison and the uplifters were on deck. "My good man," said one kindly lady, "I hope that since you have come here you have had time for meditation and ha...
The little girl had been naughty in school. By way of punishment, she was directed by the teacher to remain in her seat after the session until she had written an original composit...
"Would you like a lock of my hair?" asked the gallant old bachelor of the spinster who had been a belle a few decades past. "Why don't you offer me the whole wig?" the maiden lady...
_Architect:_ "Have you any suggestions for the study, Mr. Quickrich?" _Quickrich:_ "Only that it must be brown. Great thinkers, I understand, are generally found in a brown study."...
_Dobb:_ "What's that piece of cord tied around your finger for?" _Botham:_ "My wife put it there to remind me to post her letter." "And did you post it?" "No; she forgot to give it...
The new vicar was paying a visit amongst the patients in the local hospital. When he entered Ward No. 2, he came across a pale-looking man lying in a cot, heavily swathed in bandag...
"Is this stuff guaranteed to make a rabbit slap a bulldog in the face?" "My dear sir," said the bootlegger, with a pained expression. "This stuff will make a tenant snap his finger...
The kindergarten teacher questioned her tiny pupil: "Do you know, Jennie, what a panther is?" "Yeth, ma'am," Jennie replied, beaming. "A panther ith a man who makes panth."
A zealous church member in a Kentucky village made an earnest effort to convert a particularly vicious old mountaineer named Jim, who was locally notorious for his godlessness. But...
The old mountaineer and his wife arrived at a railway station, and for the first time in their lives beheld a train of cars, which was standing there. The husband looked the engine...
"Ma," exclaimed young Teddie, bursting into the house, "Mrs. Johnson said she would give me a penny if I told her what you said about her!" "I never heard of such a thing!" answere...
"They say that she was his stenographer before marriage." "She has evidently reversed the order of things." "How so?" "_She_ does the dictating now." * * *
The faculty were arranging the order of examinations. It was agreed that the harder subjects should be placed first in the list. It was proposed that history should have the final...
_Wifey:_ "Henry, do you think me an angel?" _Hubby:_ "Why, certainly, my dear. I'm very enthusiastic. I think all women are angels!" "You needn't be so enthusiastic as all that!" *...
_First Theatrical Manager:_ "Do you have any trouble with the girl who is playing the flapper in your new show?" _Second Theatrical Manager:_ "No; if she attempts to be skittish I...
An old Scotchwoman, who had resisted all entreaties of her friends to have her photo taken, was at last induced to employ the services of a local artist in order to send her likene...
"I say--come and dance. This is a toppin' fox-trot they're playin'." "Thanks--but I'm only waltzing this evening. We're still in mourning, you know." * * * _Specialist_ (_to patien...
_George:_ "I proposed to that girl and would have married her if it hadn't been for something she said." _Fred:_ "What did she say?" _George:_ "No!" * * *
A young skeptic in the congregation once interrupted Billy Sunday with the question: "Who was Cain's wife?" The Evangelist answered in all seriousness: "I honor every seeker after...
The indignant householder held up before the policeman the dead cat that had been lying by the curb three days. "What am I to do with this?" he demanded. "Take it to headquarters,"...
"Lend me ten, Tom." "I think not." "You won't?" "I won't." "You've no doubt of my character, have you?" "I haven't." "Well, why won't you, then?" "Because I have no doubt of your c...
The housemaid, tidying the stairs the morning after a reception, found lying there one of the solid silver teaspoons. "My goodness gracious!" she exclaimed, as she retrieved the pi...
The wife of the profiteer discoursed largely on the luxuries of the new country estate. "And, of course," she vouchsafed, "we have all the usual animals--horses, cows, sheep, pigs,...
The druggist danced and chortled till the bottles danced on the shelves. "What's up?" asked the soda clerk. "Have you been taking something?" "No. But do you remember when our wate...
_Mother:_ "Why, what's the matter, darling?" _Small daughter_ (_tearfully_): "Oh, Mums, I do so want to give this worm to my hen." _Mother:_ "Then why don't you?" _Small daughter_...
The young members of the family had been taught to be punctilious in contributing to the collection at church. One Sunday morning, when the boxes were being passed, James, aged six...
A couple from Boston spent a winter in Augusta, Georgia. During the period of their visit, they became fond of an old colored woman, and even invited her to visit their home at the...
"Now, let me see," the impecunious man demanded as he buttonholed an acquaintance, "do I owe you anything?" "Not a penny, my dear sir," was the genial reply. "You are going about p...