"Oh, mamma," questioned the child, "who's that?" He pointed to a nun who was passing. "A Sister of Charity," was the answer. "Which one," the boy persisted, "Faith or Hope?"
_Cholly Lyttlebrayne:_ "Yes, the doctors saved my life, but it cost me over a thousand dollars." _Miss Thotless:_ "Oh! Mr. Lyttlebrayne, what extravagance!" * * *
This conversation was overheard in the corridor of the offices of a large firm. Needless to say, the speakers were lady clerks-- "He's given me such a fearful telling-off," said on...
In the smoking car, one of the passengers had an empty coatsleeve. The sharer of his seat was of an inquisitive turn, and after a vain effort to restrain his curiosity, finally hem...
The faithful old employee asked for a day off. The request was granted, with an inquiry as to what he intended to do on his holiday. "I think," came the cautious answer, "I shall g...
The crowd in the car was packed suffocatingly close. The timid passenger thought of pickpockets, and thrust his hand into his pocket protectingly. He was startled to encounter the...
The old lady was very aristocratic, but somewhat prim and precise. Nevertheless, when the company had been telling of college pranks, she relaxed slightly, and told of a lark that...
The young lady worker for the Sunday school called on the newly wedded pair. "I am endeavoring to secure new scholars," she explained. "Won't you send your children?" When she was...
The kindly lady accosted the little boy on the beach, who stood with downcast head, and grinding his toes into the sand and looking very miserable and lonely indeed. "Haven't you a...
The young man applied to the manager of the entertainment museum for employment as a freak, and the following dialogue occurred: "Who are you?" "I am Enoch, the egg king." "What is...
A Londoner was telling funny stories to a party of commercial men. An old Scotsman, sitting in a corner seat, apparently took not the smallest notice, and no matter how loud the la...
"Do you miss your husband as much as when he first went away?" "No, I am becoming reconciled. You see he sent me a power of attorney." * * *
An American girl who married a Bavarian baron enjoyed playing Lady Bountiful among the tenants on her husband's estate. On the death of the wife of one of the cottagers, she called...
"Did you give up anything during Lent?" one man asked another. "Yes," was the reply, uttered with a heavy sigh. "I gave up fifty dollars for a new Easter bonnet."
The unhappy man explained the cause of his wretchedness: "I've never made a speech in my life. But last night at the dinner at the club they insisted on my making some remarks, and...
The skipper was examining an ambitious gob who wanted to be a gunner's mate. "How much does a six-pound shell weigh?" he asked. "I don't know," the gob confessed. "Well, what time...
The little boy, sent to the butcher shop, delivered himself of his message in these words: "Ma says to send her another ox-tail, please, an' ma says the last one was very nice, an'...
What is the penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law. * * * The man was weak and naturally unlucky, and so he got married three times inside of a year. He was convicted and sentenced...
The business man's wife, who had called at his office, regarded the pretty young stenographer with a baleful eye. "You told me that your typewriter was an old maid," she accused. T...
The prisoner, a darky, explained how it came about that he had been arrested for chicken-stealing: "I didn't hab no trouble wiv de constable ner nobody. It would ab been all right...
A woman lion-hunter entertained a dinner party of distinguished authors. These discoursed largely during the meal, and bored one another and more especially their host, who was not...
"That woman never turns away a hungry man." "Ah, genuinely charitable!" "Hardly that. She says, 'Are you so hungry you want to saw some wood for a dinner?' And the answer is, 'No.'...
The little girl came in tears to her mother. "God doesn't love me," she sobbed. "Of course, God loves you," the mother declared. "How did you ever come to get such an idea?" "No,"...
On Tuesday, a colored maid asked her mistress for permission to be absent on the coming Friday. She explained that she wished to attend the funeral of her fiancé. The mistress gave...
The Southern darky is usually willing enough, but painfully dilatory in accomplishment. The foreman of a quarry called to Zeb, the general utility man, and directed him to go acros...
_She:_ "And what would you be now if it weren't for my money?" _He:_ "A bachelor." * * *
The recruit complained to the sergeant that he'd got a splinter in his finger. "Ye should have more sinse," was the harsh comment, "than to scratch your head."
The visitor from another state talked so much concerning the size and fierceness of New Jersey mosquitoes that his host became somewhat peeved. "Funny!" the guest remarked. "You ha...
The new member of the club listened with solemn interest to the various stories that were told in the smoking room. They were good stories, and obviously lies, and each of them was...
_Elsie:_ "When is my birthday, Mother?" _Her Mother:_ "On the thirty-first of this month, dear." _Elsie:_ "Oh! Mother! Supposing this month had had only thirty days, where would I...