A JURYMAN, kept several days at his own expense, sent a friend to the judge to complain that he had been paid nothing for his attendance. O, tell him, said the witty judge, that if...
UNCLE, said a young man (who thought that his guardian supplied him rather sparingly with pocket-money), is the Queen's head still on the sovereign?--Of course it is, you stupid la...
AN illiterate person, who always volunteered to go round with the hat, but was suspected of sparing his own pocket, overhearing once a hint to that effect, replied, Other gentlemen...
REPUTATION is to notoriety what real turtle is to mock.
THE Duke of Wellington having had his windows broken by the mob, continued to have boards before the windows of his house in Piccadilly. Strange that the Duke will not renounce his...
DR. JOHNSON censured Gwyn, the architect, for taking down a church, which might have stood for many years, and building a new one in a more convenient place, for no other reason bu...
WILKES, one day in his later life, went to Court, when George III. asked him, in a good-natured tone of banter, how his friend Serjeant Glynn was. Glynn had been one of his most fu...
A CLERGYMAN, meeting a particular friend, asked him why he never came to hear him preach. He answered, I am afraid of disturbing your solitude.
AN old soldier having been brought up to vote at an election at the expense of one of the candidates, voted for his opponent, and when reproached for his conduct, replied, Always q...
PETERSON the comedian lent a brother actor two shillings, and when he made a demand for the sum, the debtor, turning peevishly from him, said, Hang it! I'll pay you to-day in some...
WHEN Dr. Johnson courted Mrs. Potter, whom he afterwards married, he told her that he was of mean extraction; that he had no money; and that he had had an uncle hanged! The lady, b...
A TORY member declared the extent of the Reform Bill positively made the hair of members on his side the house to stand on end. On the ensuing elections, they will find the Bill to...
A VEHEMENT political declaimer, calling aloud for the head of Lord North, turned round and perceived his victim unconsciously indulging in a quiet slumber, and, becoming still more...
SHERIDAN was down at Brighton one summer, when Fox, the manager, desirous of showing him some civility, took him all over the theatre, and, exhibited its beauties. There, Mr. Sheri...
A GENTLEMAN, finding his grounds trespassed on and robbed, set up a board in a most conspicuous situation, to scare offenders, by the notification that Steel-traps and Spring-guns...
FOOTE, the actor, was one day taken into White's Club-House by a friend who wanted to write a note. Lord Carmarthen approached to speak to him; but feeling rather shy, he merely sa...
COLLINS the poet, coming into a town the day after a young lady, of whom he was fond, had left it, said, how unlucky he was that he had come a day after the fair.
BARHAM having sent his friend, Sydney Smith, a brace of pheasants, the present was acknowledged in the following characteristic epistle: Many thanks, my dear sir, for your kind pre...
A MAN bought a horse on condition that he should pay half down, and be in debt for the remainder. A short time after, the seller demanding payment of the balance, the other answere...
DR. HENNIKER, being engaged in private conversation with the great Earl of Chatham, his lordship asked him how he defined wit. My lord, said the doctor, wit is like what a pension...
A CALIFORNIAN gold digger having become rich, desired a friend to procure for him a library of books. The friend obeyed, and received a letter of thanks thus worded: I am obliged t...
A PERSON desirous of impressing Lord Ellenborough with his importance, said, I sometimes employ myself as a doctor.--Very likely, remarked his lordship; but is any one fool enough...
A FRIEND of Sydney Smith inquired, What is Puseyism! To which the witty canon replied: Puseyism, sir, is inflexion and genuflexion; posture and imposture; bowing to the east, and c...
(Upon the trustworthiness of ---- ----.) HE'LL keep a secret well, or I'm deceived, For what he says will never be believed.
A BROWBEATING counsel asked a witness how far he had been from a certain place. Just four yards, two feet, and six inches, was the reply. How came you to be so exact, my friend?--B...
DR. PARR had a high opinion of his own skill at whist, and could not even patiently tolerate the want of it in his partner. Being engaged with a party in which he was unequally mat...
AN eminent spirit-merchant in Dublin announced, in one of the Irish papers, that he has still a small quantity of the whiskey on sale which was drunk by his late Majesty while in D...
IF Farren, cleverest of men, Should go to the right about, What part of town will he be then? Why, Farren-done-without!
WHY, Mr. B., said a tall youth to a little person who was in company with half-a-dozen huge men, I protest you are so very small I did not see you before. Very likely, replied the...
SOON after the attack of Margaret Nicholson on the life of George III., the following bill was stuck up in the window of an obscure alehouse: Here is to be seen the fork belonging...