SOME clever fellow has invented a new kind of ink, called the love-letter ink. It is a sure preventive against all cases of breach of promise, as the ink fades away, and leaves the...
I WISH, reverend father, said Curran to Father O'Leary, that you were St. Peter, and had the keys of heaven, because then you could let me in.--By my honor and conscience, replied...
WHEN Mr. Wilberforce was a candidate for Hull, his sister, an amiable and witty young lady, offered the compliment of a new gown to each of the wives of those freemen who voted for...
A CERTAIN young clergyman, modest almost to bashfulness, was once asked by a country apothecary, of a contrary character, in a public and crowded assembly, and in a tone of voice s...
BISHOP ANDREWS, who was master and a great benefactor of Pembroke Hall, was one day at court with Waller the poet, and others. While King James was at dinner, attended by Andrews,...
A FOOLISH scholar having almost been drowned in his first attempt at swimming, vowed that he would never enter the water again until he was a complete master of the art. [A similar...
LORD STANLEY came plainly dressed to request a private audience of King James I., but was refused admittance into the royal closet by a sprucely-dressed countryman of the king's. J...
(Accounting for the apostacy of ministers.) THE Whigs, because they rat and change To Toryism, all must spurn; Yet in the fact there's nothing strange, That Wigs should twist, or c...
WOMEN are all alike. When they're maids they're mild as milk: once make 'em wives, and they lean their backs against their marriage
A SAD mistake was once made at court by the beautiful and celebrated Duchess of Hamilton. Shortly before the death of George II., and whilst he was greatly indisposed, Miss Gunning...
GARRICK was on a visit at Hagley, when news came that a company of players were going to perform at Birmingham. Lord Lyttelton said to Garrick, They will hear you are in the neighb...
I'm very glad, to E--b--h said His brother exquisite, Macassar Draper, That 'tis the outer product of your head, And not the inner, you commit to paper!
SIR G. STAUNTON related a curious anecdote of old Kien Long, Emperor of China. He was inquiring of Sir George the manner in which physicians were paid in England. When, after some...
A PERSON, disputing with Peter Pindar, said, in great heat, that he did not like to be thought a scoundrel. I wish, replied Peter, that you had as great a dislike to being a scound...
IN the year 1797, when democratic notions ran high, the king's coach was attacked as his majesty was going to the House of Peers. A gigantic Hibernian, who was conspicuously loyal...
ADMIRAL LEE, when only a post captain, being on board his ship one very rainy and stormy night, the officer of the watch came down to his cabin and cried, Sir, the sheet-anchor is...
NO wonder the debate fell dead 'Neath such a constant fire of lead.
SIR FLETCHER NORTON was noted for his want of courtesy. When pleading before Lord Mansfield on some question of manorial right, he chanced unfortunately to say, My lord, I can illu...
MR. REYNOLDS, the dramatist, once met a free and easy actor, who told him that he had passed three festive days at the seat of the Marquis and Marchioness of ----, without any invi...
BREVITY is in writing what charity is to all other virtues. Righteousness is worth nothing without the one, nor authorship without the other.
SOME schoolboys meeting a poor woman driving asses, one of them said to her, Good morning, mother of asses.--Good morning, my child, was the reply.
A LADY complaining to Sydney Smith that she could not sleep,--I can furnish you, he said, with a perfect soporific. I have published two volumes of Sermons; take them up to bed wit...
A MAN was described in a plea as I. Jones, and the pleader referred in another part of the plea to I as an initial. The plaintiff said that the plea was bad, because I was not a na...
A TRAVELLER, when asked whether, in his youth, he had gone through Euclid, was not quite sure, but he thought it was a small village between Wigan and Preston.
CAPTAIN INNES of the Guards (usually called Jock Innes by his contemporaries) was with others getting ready for Flushing, or some of those expeditions at the beginning of the great...
TWO Oxonians dining together, one of them noticing a spot of grease on the neck-cloth of his companion, said, I see you are a Grecian.--Pooh! said the other, that is far-fetched.--...
A LAUGHABLE blunder was made by Mrs. Gibbs, at Covent Garden Theatre, in the season of 1823, in the part of Miss Stirling, in The Clandestine Marriage. When speaking of the conduct...
A JOLLY Jack-tar having strayed into Atkins's show at Bartholomew Fair, to have a look at the wild beasts, was much struck with the sight of a lion and a tiger in the same den. Why...
A PERSON speaking of an acquaintance, who, though extremely avaricious, was always abusing the avarice of others, added, Is it not strange that this man will not take the beam out...
LIFE is a lottery where we find That fortune plays full many a prank; And when poor ---- got his mind, 'Twas fortune made him draw a blank.