THE following dialogue was lately heard at an assize:--Counsel: What was the height of the horse? Witness: Sixteen feet. Counsel: How old was he? Witness: Six years. Counsel: How h...
FOOTE having satirized the Scotch pretty severely, a gentleman asked, Why he hated that nation so much.--You are mistaken, said Foote, I don't hate the Scotch, neither do I hate fr...
A VERY small officer struck an old grenadier of his company for some supposed fault in performing his evolutions. The grenadier gravely took off his cap, and, holding it over the o...
A LADY, walking with her husband at the seaside, inquired of him the difference between exportation and transportation. Why, my dear, he replied, if you were on board yonder vessel...
AN eminent counsellor asked another why he so often undertook bad causes. Sir, answered the lawyer, I have lost so many good ones, that I am quite at a loss which to take.
QUIN thought angling a very barbarous diversion; and on being asked why, gave this reason: Suppose some superior being should bait a hook with venison, and go a-Quinning, I should...
LORD J. RUSSELL endeavored to persuade Lord Langdale to resign the permanent Mastership of the Rolls for the uncertain position of Lord Chancellor, and paid the learned lord very h...
A LADY having remarked in company that she thought there should be a tax on the single state; Yes, madam, rejoined an obstinate old bachelor, as on all other luxuries.
A GENTLEMAN, playing at piquet, was much teased by a looker-on who was short-sighted, and, having a very long nose, greatly incommoded the player. To get rid of the annoyance, the...
PETER MACNALLY, an Irish attorney, was very lame, and, when walking, had an unfortunate limp, which he could not bear to be told of. At the time of the Rebellion he was seized with...
THE following lines were addressed to a gentleman notoriously addicted to the vice which has been euphemistically described as the postponement of the truth for the purposes of the...
A CHEMIST asserted that all bitter things were hot. No, said a gentleman present, there is a bitter cold day.
THOUGH a railroad, learned Rector, Passes near your parish spire; Think not, sir, your Sunday lecture E'er will overwhelmed expire. Put not then your hopes in weepers, Solid work m...
ONE asked another why learning was always called a republic. Forsooth, quoth the other, because scholars are so poor that they have not a sovereign amongst them.
A COUNTRY boy endeavored, to the utmost of his power, to make himself useful, and avoid being frequently told of many trifling things, as country lads generally are. His master hav...
A LADY, whose fondness for generous living had given her a flushed face and rubicund nose, consulted Dr. Cheyne. Upon surveying herself in the glass, she exclaimed, Where in the na...
WHETHER tall men or short men are best, Or bold men, or modest and shy men, I can't say, but this I protest, All the fair are in favor of Hy-men.
A CAMBRIDGE tutor said to his pupil, If you go over to Newmarket, beware of betting, for in nine cases out of ten it brings a man to ruin.--Sir, said the youth, I must really diffe...
WHEN Baron Martin was at the Bar and addressing the Court of Exchequer in an insurance case, he was interrupted by Mr. Baron Alderson observing: Mr. Martin, do you think any office...
IN 1824, when the question of erecting a monument to Shakespeare, in his native town, was agitated by Mr. Mathews and Mr. Bunn, the King (George IV.) took a lively interest in the...
WHEN Lord B---- died, a person met an old man who was one of his most intimate friends. He was pale, confused, awe-stricken. Every one was trying to console him, but in vain. His l...
A LAIRD of Logan was at a meeting of the heritors of Cumnock, where a proposal was made to erect a new churchyard wall. He met the proposition with the dry remark, I never big dyke...
A GENTLEMAN being prevailed upon to taste a lady's home-made wine, was asked for an opinion of what he had tasted. I always give a candid one, said her guest, where eating and drin...
SO ungrateful was the sound of Wilkes and No. 45 (the famous number of the North Briton) to George III., that about 1772, George IV., then a mere boy, having been chid for some fau...
A NOBLEMAN taking leave when going as ambassador, the king said to him, The principal instruction you require is, to observe a line of conduct exactly the reverse to that of your p...
THE air of France! nothing to the air of England. That goes ten times as
A GENTLEMAN riding one day near Richmond, observed a house delightfully situated, and asking his companion to whom it belonged, was answered, To a card-maker.--Upon my life, he rep...
WHO seeks to please all men each way, And not himself offend, He may begin his work to-day, But who knows when he'll end?
TWO Harveys had a mutual wish To please in different stations; For one excelled in Sauce for Fish, And one in Meditations. Each had its pungent power applied To aid the dead and dy...
(On ----'s declaring his detestation of all meanness). IF really ---- do but loathe Things base or mean, I must confess I'd very freely take my oath, Self-love's a fault he don't p...