SYDNEY SMITH once said: I remember entering a room with glass all round it at the French embassy, and saw myself reflected on every side. I took it for a meeting of the clergy, and...
TALK no more of the lucky escape of the head From a flint so unluckily thrown; I think very diff'rent, with thousands indeed, 'Twas a lucky escape for the stone.
SOON after Lord ----'s elevation to the peerage, he remarked that authors were often very ridiculous in the titles they gave. That, said a distinguished writer present, is an error...
A GREAT pretender to gentility Came to a herald for his pedigree: The herald, knowing what he was, begun To rumble o'er his heraldry; which done, Told him he was a gentleman of not...
THEODORE HOOK, being in company, where he said something humorous in rhyme to every person present, on Mr. Winter, the late Solicitor of Taxes, being announced, made the following...
AN officer in full regimentals, apprehensive lest he should come in contact with a chimney-sweep that was pressing towards him, exclaimed, Keep off, you black rascal.--You were as...
(On a certain M.P.'s indisposition.) HASTE son of Celsus, P--rc--v--l is ill; Dissect an ass before you try your skill.
HYMEN comes when he is called, and Love when he pleases.
DOUGLAS JERROLD, discussing one day with Mr. Selby, the vexed question of adapting dramatic pieces from the French, that gentleman insisted upon claiming some of his characters as...
STERNE, the author of the Sentimental Journey, who had the credit of treating his wife very ill, was one day talking to Garrick in a fine sentimental manner in praise of conjugal l...
MR. HENRY ERSKINE, being one day in London, in company with the Duchess of Gordon, said to her, Are we never again to enjoy the honor and pleasure of your grace's society at Edinbu...
AN American braggart told Cooke that his family was amongst the oldest in Maryland. Cooke inquired if he had carefully examined the family plate,--the fetters and handcuffs!
HOOK was once observed, during dinner, nodding like a Chinese mandarin in a tea-shop. On being asked the reason, he replied, Why when no one else asks me to take champagne, I take...
SOME one wrote in a hotel visitors' book his initials, A.S. A wag wrote underneath, Two-thirds of the truth.
WHEN the comedy of She Stoops to Conquer was in rehearsal, Goldsmith took great pains to give the performers his ideas of their several parts. On the first representation he was no...
THE government, having threatened to proceed rigorously against those who refused to pay the assessed taxes, offered to them a remission of one fourth. This at least, said a suffer...
AS a wag at a ball, to a nymph on each arm Alternately turning, and thinking to charm, Exclaimed in these words, of which Quin was the giver-- You're my Gizzard, my dear; and, my l...
WHY scorn red hair? The Greeks, we know (I note it here in charity), Had taste in beauty, and with them The Graces were all [Greek: Charitai]!
A CANTAB, one day observing a ragamuffin-looking boy scratching his head at the door of Alderman Purchase, in Cambridge, where he was begging, and thinking to pass a joke upon him,...
A FARMER, having lost some ducks, was asked by the counsel for the prisoner accused of stealing them to describe their peculiarity. After he had done so, the counsel remarked, They...
IT is strange that the Church dignitaries, the further they advance in their profession, become the more incorrigible; at least, before they have gone many steps, they may be said...
AS Burke was declaiming with great animation against Hastings, he was interrupted by little Major Scott. Am I, said he, indignantly, to be teased by the barking of this jackal whil...
THE following is a literal copy of a notice served by a worthy inhabitant of Gravesend upon his neighbor, whose fowl had eaten his pig's victuals. SIR,--I have sent to you as Coash...
LORD COCKBURN, the proprietor of Bonaly, was sitting on the hillside with a shepherd, and, observing the sheep reposing in the coldest situation, he remarked to him, John, if I wer...
IF L--d--d--y has a grain of sense, He can be only half a lord 'tis clear; For from the fact we draw the inference, He's that which never has been made a peer.
(On ----'s Veracity.) HE boasts about the truth I've heard, And vows he'd never break it; Why, zounds, a man must keep his word When nobody will take it.
A BROW austere, a circumspective eye, A frequent shrug of the os humeri, A nod significant, a stately gait, A blustering manner, and a tone of weight, A smile sarcastic, an express...
WHEN Quin and Garrick performed at the same theatre, and in the same play, one night, being very stormy, each ordered a chair. To the mortification of Quin, Garrick's chair came up...
QUIN, being asked by a lady why there were more women in the world than men, replied, It is in conformity with the other arrangements of Nature, madam; we always see more of heaven...
THE resemblance between the sandal tree, imparting (while it falls) its aromatic flavor to the edge of the axe, and the benevolent man rewarding evil with good, would be witty, did...