WHAT plan, said an actor to another, shall I adopt to fill the house at my benefit?--Invite your creditors, was the surly reply.
MRS. B---- desired Dr. Johnson to give his opinion of a new work she had just written, adding, that if it would not do, she begged him to tell her, for she had other irons in the f...
WHEN Moore was getting his portrait painted by Newton, Sydney Smith, who accompanied the poet, said to the artist, Couldn't you contrive to throw into his face somewhat of a strong...
A STUDENT, being asked what progress he had made in the study of medicine, modestly replied: I hope I shall soon be fully qualified as physician, for I think I am now able to cure...
BISHOPS SHERLOCK and HOADLY were both freshmen of the same year, at Catherine Hall, Cambridge. The classical subject in which they were first lectured was Tully's Offices, and one...
THE speeches made by P---- are sound, It cannot be denied; Granted; and then it will be found, They're little else beside.
AN Irishman, swearing the peace against his three sons, thus concluded his affidavit: And this deponent further saith, that the only one of his children who showed him any real fil...
MR. PITT, speaking in the House of Commons of the glorious war which preceded the disastrous one in which we lost the colonies, called it the last war. Several members cried out, T...
A POACHER was carried before a magistrate upon a charge of killing game unlawfully in a nobleman's park, where he was caught in the fact. Being asked what he had to say in his defe...
HOOD described a good church minister as Piety parsonified.
I WISH you at the devil! said somebody to Wilkes. I don't wish you there, was the answer. Why?--Because I never wish to see you again!
DR. BARTON, being in company with Dr. Nash, who had just printed two heavy folios on the antiquities of Worcestershire, remarked that the publication was deficient in several respe...
IF I were so unlucky, said an officer, as to have a stupid son, I would certainly by all means make him a parson. A clergyman who was in company calmly replied, You think different...
WHEN the late Mr. Whitbread's father, the brewer, first opposed the Duke of Bedford's interest at Bedford, the Duke informed him that he would spend L50,000 rather than he should c...
WHEN Wilkes was in France, and at Court, Madame Pompador addressed him thus: You Englishmen are fine fellows; pray how far may a man go in his abuse of the Royal family among you?-...
THROUGH an avenue of trees, at the back of Trinity College, a church may be seen at a considerable distance, the approach to which affords no very pleasing scenery. Porson, walking...
AFTER giving Sandy certain directions about kirk matters, the minister sniffed once or twice, and remarked, Saunders, I fear you have been 'tasting' (taking a glass) this morning.-...
MR. DALE, who it would appear was a short stout man, had a person in his employment named Matthew, who was permitted that familiarity with his master which was so characteristic of...
A QUAKER (says Hood) makes a pleasure of his business, and then, for relaxation, makes a business of his pleasure.
A YOUNG lady visiting in the family asked John at dinner for a potato. John made no response. The request was repeated; when John, putting his mouth to her ear, said, very audibly,...
A CERTAIN reverend gentleman in the country was complaining to another that it was a great fatigue to preach twice a day. Oh! said the other, I preach twice every Sunday, and make...
A MAN of wit being asked what pleasure he could have in the company of a pretty woman who was a loquacious simpleton, replied, I love to see her talk.
SOME one remarked to Mrs. Siddons that applause was necessary to actors, as it gave them confidence. More, replied the actress; it gives us breath.
PISTOR erat quondam, laborando qui fregit collum: Qui fregit collum, collum fregitque suum. Thus translated-- There was a baker heretofore, with labor and great pain: Did break his...
CANNING and another gentleman were looking at a picture of the Deluge: the ark was in the middle distance; in the fore-sea an elephant was seen struggling with his fate. I wonder,...
SPRANGER BARRY, to his silver-toned voice, added all the powers of persuasion. A carpenter, to whom he owed some money for work at the Dublin Theatre, called at Barry's house, and...
A CLEVER literary friend of Jerrold, and one who could take a joke, told him he had just had some calf's-tail soup.--Extremes meet sometimes, said Jerrold.
SIR BOYLE ROACH had a servant who was as great an original as his master. Two days after the death of the baronet, this man waited upon a gentleman, who had been a most intimate fr...
WHEN Dr. H. and Sergeant A. were walking arm-in-arm, a wag said to a friend, These two are just equal to one highwayman.--Why? was the response. Because it is a lawyer and a doctor...
TWO old ladies, who were known to be of the same age, had the same desire to keep the real number concealed; one therefore used upon a New-year's-day to go to the other, and say, M...