"Which do you consider the most melodious Wagnerian opera?" asked Mrs. Cumrox. "There are several I haven't heard, aren't there?" rejoined her husband. "Yes." "Then I guess it's on...
The master of all trades: He beats the farmer with his fast "hoe," the carpenter with his "rule," and the mason in "setting up tall columns"; and he surpasses the lawyer and the do...
A middle-aged colored woman in a Georgia village, hearing a commotion in a neighbor's cabin, looked in at the door. On the floor lay a small boy writhing in great distress while hi...
A weather-beaten damsel somewhat over six feet in height and with a pair of shoulders proportionately broad appeared at a back door in Wyoming and asked for light housework. She sa...
Any one who has ever traveled on the New York subway in rush hours can easily appreciate the following: A little man, wedged into the middle of a car, suddenly thought of pickpocke...
The parson looks it o'er and frets. It puts him out of sorts To see how many times he gets A penny for his thoughts. --_J.J. O'Connell_. There were introductions all around. The bi...
The Christmas church services were proceeding very successfully when a woman in the gallery got so interested that she leaned out too far and fell over the railing. Her dress caugh...
A visitor to Philadelphia, unfamiliar with the garb of the Society of Friends, was much interested in two demure and placid Quakeresses who took seats directly behind her in the Br...
"I think," said the heir apparent, "that I will add music and dancing to my accomplishments." "Aren't they rather light?" "They may seem so to you, but they will be very handy if a...
"Your soldiers look fat and happy. You must have a war chest." "Not exactly, but things are on a higher plane than they used to be. This revolution is being financed by a moving-pi...
BRIGGS--"Is it true that you have broken off your engagement to that girl who lives in the suburbs?" GRIGGS--"Yes; they raised the commutation rates on me and I have transferred to...
"Fust time you've ever milked a cow, is it?" said Uncle Josh to his visiting nephew. "Wal, y' do it a durn sight better'n most city fellers do." "It seems to come natural somehow,"...
An English tourist was sightseeing in Ireland and the guide had pointed out the Devil's Gap, the Devil's Peak, and the Devil's Leap to him. "Pat," he said, "the devil seems to have...
"What's become ob dat little chameleon Mandy had?" inquired Rufus. "Oh, de fool chile done lost him," replied Zeke. "She wuz playin' wif him one day, puttin' him on red to see him...
"Tommy, why don't you play with Frank any more?" asked Tommy's mother, who noticed that he was cultivating the acquaintance of a new boy on the block. "I thought you were such good...
"You must have had a terrible experience with no food, and mosquitoes swarming around you," I said to the shipwrecked mariner who had been cast upon the Jersey sands. "You just bet...
_See_ Armies.
There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.--_Mark Twain_.
A little boy was entertaining the minister the other day until his mother could complete her toilet. The minister, to make congenial conversation, inquired: "Have you a dog?" "Yes,...
A Louisville journalist was excessively proud of his little boy. Turning to the old black nurse, "Aunty," said he, stroking the little pate, "this boy seems to have a journalistic...