The housewife gave the tramp a large piece of pie on condition that he should saw some wood. The tramp retired to the woodshed, but presently he reappeared at the back door of the...
Sandy MacTavish was a guest at a christening party in the home of a fellow Scot whose hospitality was limited only by the capacity of the company. The evening was hardly half spent...
_The Wife:_ "I have not been able to wear my new hat yet on account of the weather." _The Husband:_ "Humph! And I suppose by the time it clears up the fashion will have changed." *...
_The Leading Woman:_ "How does Garrette rank as an actor?" _The Comedian:_ "He doesn't--he is." * * *
_Mrs. Bargain:_ "Oh, Ethel! I have just talked Edward into giving me the money for a new hat." _Mr. Bargain:_ "Which I shall enter in my accounts as 'Hush Money.'" * * *
The amiable old lady was overheard talking to herself as she left the church along with the crowd that had attended the services: "If everybody else would only do as I do, and stay...
The traveler was indignant at the slow speed of the train. He appealed to the conductor: "Can't you go any faster than this?" "Yes," was the serene reply, "but I have to stay aboar...
The old trapper was chased by a grizzly. When he had thrown away everything he carried, and found, nevertheless, that the bear was gaining rapidly, he determined to make a stand. A...
The shaded lights, music in the distance, sweet perfumes from the costly flowers about them--everything was just right for a proposal, and Timkins decided to chance his luck. She w...
A parsimonious farmer notorious for the small rations he doled out to his employees, said to a farmhand eating his breakfast, "Jock, there's a fly in yer parritch." "That disna' ma...
The subject of kissing was debated with much earnestness for a half hour between the girl and her young man caller. The fellow insisted that it was always possible for a man to kis...
It was nine o'clock in the morning, but this particular passenger on the platform of the trolley car still wore a much crumpled evening suit. As the car swung swiftly around a curv...
Phil May, the artist, when once down on his luck in Australia, took a job as waiter in a very low-class restaurant. An acquaintance came into the place to dine, and was aghast when...
Two men walking along Avenue A in New York City observed a dingy saloon, in the window of which was a framed sign, reading: "_Ici on parle français_." "I don't believe anybody talk...
There are as many aspects of grief as there are persons to mourn. A quality of pathetic and rather grisly humor is to be found in the incident of an English laborer, whose little s...
The philosopher calmly defined the exact difference between life and love: "Life is just one fool thing after another: love is just two fool things after each other."
The _babu_ explained with great politeness the complete failure of a young American member of the shooting party in India to bag any game: "The sahib shot divinely but it is true t...
The philosopher, on being interrupted in his thoughts by the violent cackling of a hen that had just laid an egg, was led to express his appreciation of a kind Providence by which...
Mike, the hod-carrier, was still somewhat fuddled when he arose Monday morning, with the result that he put on his overalls wrong side to; with the further result, that he was care...
_She:_ "Oh! there's no use of my giving you any hope, because I cannot believe in love in a cottage." _He:_ "But I've known cases of love in a four-room flat, with steam-heat and a...
The sergeant rebuked the private angrily: "Jenkins, why haven't you shaved this morning?" "Why, ain't I shaved?" the private exclaimed, apparently greatly surprised. "No, you ain't...
_Flora:_ "I think that Maud has been awfully mean to you. If I were you I'd get even with her." _Dora:_ "Getting even with her won't satisfy _me_. _I'm_ going to get _uneven_ with...
_Mother:_ "What! Have you been fighting again, Johnnie? Good little boys don't fight." _Johnnie:_ "Yes, I know that. I thought he was a good little boy, but after I hit him once, I...
The old farmer and his wife visited the menagerie. When they halted before the hippopotamus cage, he remarked admiringly: "Darn'd curi's fish, ain't it, ma?" "That ain't a fish," t...
One foot in the grave, and the other slipping.
Muriel, aged four, was taken by her governess to have tea with an aunt. Presently she began to eat a piece of very rich cake. "Oh, I just love this chocolate cake!" she exclaimed....
The young son of a mountaineer family in North Carolina had visited for the first time in the town twelve miles from home, and had eaten his mid-day meal there. Questioned on his r...
"Are all flowers popular?" asked the teacher. "No, ma'am," replied one of the bright little girls. "What flowers are not popular?" "Wall-flowers, ma'am." * * *
_He:_ "My train goes in fifteen minutes. Can you not give me one ray of hope before I leave you forever?" _She:_ "Er--that clock is half an hour fast." * * *
In an Irish cemetery stands a handsome monument with an inscription which runs thus: "This monument is erected to the memory of James O'Flinn, who was accidentally shot by his brot...