_She:_ "Have you heard anything about the woman's Reform Club?" "Yes, its object seems to be to reform everything except the Club and everybody except the members." * * *
"I know I'm old, but I'm crazy about you," stated Mr. Moneybags. "When I go I'll leave all my fortune to you if you'll have me." "Have you any bad habits?" asked Miss Goldielocks,...
The son of the family was home on his first vacation since he had attained to the dignity of college prefect. He and his father were discussing affairs of the day, and finally the...
The victim of the Klu Klux Klan plucked some feathers from his neck with one hand, while he picked gingerly at the tar on his legs with the other. "The excitement," he murmured, "r...
The Arctic explorer at a reception on his return gave an informal talk concerning his experiences. He explained that a point further north would have been reached, if the dogs had...
The newly married pair were stopping in a hotel. The bride left the groom in their room while she went out on a brief shopping expedition. She returned in due time, and passed alon...
The senator from Utah was able to disarm by flattery the resentment of a woman at a reception in Washington, who upbraided him for that plurality of wives so dear to Mormon precept...
An American tourist in France found that he had a two hours' wait for his train at a junction, and set out to explore the neighborhood. He discovered at last that he was lost, and...
The woman lecturing on dress reform was greatly shocked when she read the report as published in the local paper. The writer had been innocent enough, for his concluding sentence w...
_Waitress:_ "He ain't no good, Lil--he's one of these fellers wot chooses the price first an' then runs his fingers along the bill o' fare to see wot he gets for it." * * *
_Mistress:_ "Don't call them jugs, Mary; they're ewers." _Maid:_ "Oh, thank you, ma'am. And are all them little basins mine, too?" * * *
"Yes, dear, I'm going out to-night. I've been asked to take supper with an old comrade in arms." "By the way, darling, how many men did your regiment muster?" * * * "Phwat's the ma...
The visitor to the poet's wife expressed her surprise that the man of genius had failed to dedicate any one of his volumes to the said wife. Whereupon, said wife became flustered,...
The new maid was talkative, and related some of her experiences in service. "You seem to have had a good many situations," was the lady's comment as the girl paused. "How many diff...
_Irate Motorist:_ "Say, this darned car won't climb a hill! You said it was a fine machine!" _Dealer:_ "I said: 'On the level it's a good car.'" * * *
A young couple that had received many valuable wedding presents established their home in a suburb. One morning they received in the mail two tickets for a popular show in the city...
There was a haunted house down South which was carefully avoided by all the superstitious negroes. But a new arrival in the community, named Sam, bragged of his bravery as too supe...
Jeanette was wearing a new frock when her dearest friend called. "I look a perfect fright," she remarked, eager for praise. The dearest friend was thinking of her own affairs, and...
The painter was required to render an itemized bill for his repairs on various pictures in a convent. The statement was as follows: Corrected and renewed the Ten Commandments 6.00...
A Texas lad, lacking a team of horses or oxen or mules for his ploughing, engaged his sister to direct the plough, while he yoked himself to a steer for the pulling. The steer prom...
The society matron explained the necessity for immediate reform in conditions at the State Penitentiary: "Nowadays, there are such a number of our very best people who are being in...
One negro workman was overheard talking to another: "I'se yoh frien'. I jest tole the fohman, when he say dat nigger Sam ain't fit to feed to de dawgs, why, I done spoke right up,...
"This theory about fish being brain food is all nonsense." "Why do you say so?" "Because the greatest number of fish are eaten by the very people who are idiots enough to sit out a...
The ardent lover heard the clock strike the hours--first nine, then ten, then eleven. At the sound of twelve strokes, he burst forth passionately: "How fleet are the hours in your...
An old negro, who had almost attained the century mark, nearly blind, almost completely disabled, without friends, relations, or money, felt himself about to die, and stealthily ma...
The woman was strong-minded, and she was religious, and she was also afflicted with a very feminine fear of thunder storms. She was delivering an address at a religious convention...
John B. Gough was fond of telling of a laird and his servant Sandy. The two were on their way home on horseback late at night, and both were much muddled by drink. At a ford where...
The native pointed with pride to two doddering ancients hobbling painfully down the village street, and informed the stranger: "Them fellers is the Dusenbury twins--ninety-eight ye...
A railroad was opened through a remote region, and on the first run over the line, the engineer overtook a country boy riding his horse along the road bed. The engineer whistled, a...
When the domestic event was due, the prospective father, being ordered out of the house, celebrated the occasion with many friends in a number of saloons. He celebrated so well tha...