AT a dinner-party one day a certain knight, whose character was considered to be not altogether unexceptionable, said he would give them a toast; and looking hard in the face of Mr...
EPIGRAM on the occasion of the duel between Tom Moore, the poet, and Francis Jeffrey:-- When Anacreon would fight, as the poets have said, A reverse he displayed in his vapor, For...
WHEN the celebrated Beau Nash was ill, Dr. Cheyne wrote a prescription for him. The next day the doctor, coming to see his patient, inquired if he had followed his prescription: No...
A JEW called on to justify bail in the Court of Common Pleas, the opposing counsel thus examined him: What is your name?--Jacob.--What are you?--General dealer.--Do you keep a shop...
WELL, sir, asked a noisy disputant, don't you think that I have mauled my antagonist to some purpose?--O yes, replied a listener, you have,--and if ever I should happen to fight wi...
LIE heavy on him, Earth! for he Laid many heavy loads on thee!
GARRICK and Rigby, once walking together in Norfolk, observed upon a board at a house by the roadside, the following strange inscription: A GOES KOORED HEAR.--How is it possible, s...
AT an evening party, a very elderly lady was dancing with a young partner. A stranger approached Jerrold, who was looking on, and said,-- Pray, sir, can you tell me who is the youn...
A TRAVELLER relating his adventures, told the company that he and his servants had made fifty wild Arabs run; which startling them, he observed, that there was no great matter in i...
HOOK, in the supposed character of Gower-street undergraduate, says: One problem was given me to work which I did in a twinkling. Given C A B to find Q. Answer: Take your C A B thr...
WHEN I courted her, said Spreadweasel, I took lawyer's advice, and signed every letter to my love,--'Yours, without prejudice!'--D.J.
A COWARDLY fellow having spoken impertinently to a gentleman, received a violent box of the ear. He demanded whether that was meant in earnest. Yes, sir, replied the other, without...
HOLLAND, who was a great favorite with Foote, died. While the funeral ceremony was performing, G. Garrick remarked to Foote: You see what a snug family vault we have made here.--Fa...
JERROLD was told that a certain well-puffed tragedian, who has a husky voice, was going to act Cardinal Wolsey, Jerrold.--Cardinal Wolsey!--Linsey Wolsey!
ON the evening of the coronation-day of our gracious Queen, the Benchers of Lincoln's Inn gave the students a feed; when a certain profane wag, in giving out a verse of the Nationa...
AFTER a very violent speech from an opposition member, Mr. Burke started suddenly from his seat, and rushed to the ministerial side of the house, exclaiming with much vehemence, I...
A CELEBRATED professor, dining in company with a gaudy, discordant, and silly chatterer, was asked to help her to the usual concomitant of boiled fowl. As he did so, he abstractedl...
SIR JOSEPH JEKYLL wrote the following impromptu, on observing a certain sergeant, well known for his prosiness, bustling into the Court of King's Bench, where he was engaged in a c...
SWIFT was one day in company with a young coxcomb, who, rising from his chair, said, with a conceited and confident air, I would have you to know, Mr. Dean, I set up for a wit.--Do...
AN eminent painter was once asked what he mixed his colors with in order to produce so extraordinary an effect. I mix them with brains, sir! was his answer.
THE regular routine of clerkly business ill suited the literary tastes and the wayward habits of Charles Lamb. Once, at the India House, a superior said to him, I have remarked, Mr...
THE pride of some people differs from that of others. Mr. Bunn was passing through Jermyn Street, late one evening, and seeing Kenney at the corner of St. James's Church, swinging...
COLEMAN, the dramatist, was asked if he knew Theodore Hook. Yes, replied the wit; Hook and eye are old associates.
SHERIDAN being asked what wine he liked best, replied, The wine of other people.
COMPOSER. SON of the string (I do not mean Jack Ketch, Though Jack, like thee, produceth dying tones), Oh, yield thy pity to a starving wretch, And for to-morrow's treat pray send...
THY praise or dispraise is to me alike; One doth not stroke me, nor the other strike.
A BOY being asked what was the plural of penny, replied, with great promptness and simplicity, two-pence.
A GENTLEMAN gave a friend some first-rate wine, which he tasted and drank, making no remark upon it. The owner, disgusted at his guest's want of appreciation, next offered some str...
MILTON was asked by a friend whether he would instruct his daughters in the different languages: to which he replied, No, sir; one tongue is sufficient for a woman.
A LINEN-DRAPER having advertised his stock to be sold under prime cost, a neighbor observed that, It was impossible, as he had never paid a farthing for it himself.