AN officer, in battle, happening to bow, a cannon-ball passed over his head, and took off that of the soldier who stood behind him. You see, said he, that a man never loses by poli...
A LAZY fellow lying down on the grass said, O, how I do wish that this was called work, and well paid!
DELIA is twenty-two, and yet so weak, Poor thing, she's learning still to walk and speak.
A POMPOUS fellow made a very inadequate offer for a valuable property; and, calling the next day for an answer, inquired of the gentleman if he had entertained his proposition. No,...
THE sun is all very well, said an Irishman, but the moon is worth two of it; for the moon affords us light in the night-time, when we want it, whereas the sun's with us in the day-...
AMONG the daly inquirers after the health of an aged Bishop of D----m, during his indisposition, no one was more sedulously punctual than the Bishop of E----r; and the invalid seem...
TWO city ladies meeting at a visit, one a grocer's wife, and the other a cheesemonger's, when they had risen up and took their departure, the cheesemonger's wife was going out of t...
THIS celebrated Quaker, on visiting a lady of rank, whom he found six months after the death of her husband, sitting on a sofa covered with black cloth, and in all the dignity of w...
THE mortality among Byron's mistresses, said the late Lady A----ll, is really alarming. I think he generally buries, in verse, a first love every fortnight.--Madam, replied Curran,...
WHEN Abernethy was canvassing for the office of surgeon to St. Bartholomew's Hospital, he called upon a rich grocer. The great man, addressing him, said, I suppose, sir, you want m...
THEODORE HOOK was relating to his friend, Charles Mathews, how, on one occasion, when supping in the company of Peake, the latter surreptitiously removed from his plate several sli...
THE Bristol magistrates were at the time of the great riots scattered through the town. They argued that under the circumstances it was impossible they could have been collected.
MR. HAWKINS, Q.C., engaged in a cause before the late Lord Campbell, had frequently to mention the damage done to a carriage called a Brougham, and this word he pronounced, accordi...
GEORGE III. having purchased a horse, the dealer put into his hands a large sheet of paper, completely written over. What's this? said his majesty. The pedigree of the horse, sire,...
SAYS his landlord to Thomas, Your rent I must raise, I'm so plaguily pinch'd for the pelf. Raise my rent! replies Thomas; your honor's main good; For I never can raise it myself.
GEORGE IV., on hearing some one declare that Moore had murdered Sheridan, in his late life of that statesman, observed, I won't say that Mr. Moore has murdered Sheridan, but he has...
THE Duke of Wellington, when Premier, was the terror of the idlers in Downing Street. On one occasion when the Treasury clerks told him that some required mode of making up the acc...
SOME ONE being asked if a certain authoress, whom he had long known, was not a little tiresome?--Not at all, said he, she was perfectly tiresome.
A SCHOLAR was asked why a black hen laid a white egg. He answered, Unum contrarium expellit alterum.
A GENTLEMAN one day observed to Henry Erskine, that punning was the lowest of wit. It is, answered Erskine, and therefore the foundation of all wit.
A PERSON came almost breathless to Lord Thurlow, and exclaimed, My lord, I bring tidings of calamity to the nation!--What has happened, man? said the astonished Chancellor. My lord...
WOULD you think it? said A. to B. Mr. Roscius has taken a week to study a Prologue which I wrote in a day.--His memory is evidently not so good as yours, replied B.
A VETERAN Highlander, between whose family and that of a neighboring chieftain had existed a long hereditary feud, being on his death-bed, was reminded that this was the time to fo...
DANIEL PURCELL, who was a non-juror, was telling a friend, when King George the First landed at Greenwich, that he had a full view of him: Then, said his friend, you know him by si...
LORD NORBURY asking the reason of the delay that happened in a cause, was told that Mr. Serjeant Joy, who was to lead, was absent, but Mr. Hope, the solicitor, had said that he wou...
AS Berkeley, the celebrated author of the Immaterial Theory, was one morning musing in the cloisters of Dublin College, an acquaintance came up to him, and, seeing him rapt in cont...
LORD MACAULAY, passing one day through the Seven Dials, bought a handful of ballads from some street-folks who were bawling out their contents to a gaping audience. Proceeding on h...
A PHYSICIAN attending a lady several times, had received a couple of guineas each visit; at last, when he was going away, she gave him but one; at which he was surprised, and looki...
A PERSON, hearing that Time is Money, became desirous of learning how many years it would take to pay a little debt of a hundred pounds!