DO come and dine with me, said John to Pat: you must; though I have only a nice piece of beef and some potatoes for you.--O my dear fellow! don't make the laist apology about the d...
WESTMACOTT, of the Age paper, having libelled a gentleman, was well thrashed for his pains. Declaring afterwards that he would have justice done him, a person present remarked, Tha...
THE great controversy on the propriety of requiring a subscription to articles of faith, as practised by the Church of England, excited at this time (1772) a very strong sensation...
THESE beer-shops, quoth Barnabas, speaking in alt, Are ruinous,--down with the growers of malt! Too true, answers Ben, with a shake of the head, Wherever they congregate, honesty's...
A COUNTRY dentist advertises that he spares no pains to render his operations satisfactory.
DR. CADOGAN was boasting of the eminence of his profession, and spoke loudly against the injustice of the world, which was so satirical against it; but, he added, I have escaped, f...
In Parliament, it's plain enough, No reverence for age appears; For they who hear each speaker's stuff, Find there is no respect for (y) ears.
SYDNEY SMITH was annoyed one evening by the familiarity of a young gentleman, who, though a comparative stranger, was encouraged by Smith's jocular reputation to address him by his...
ONE morning a pompous little man called upon Sydney Smith, saying that, being about to compile a history of distinguished families in Somersetshire, he had called to obtain the Smi...
S----'S head appears to be placed in most accurate conformity with the law of nature, in obedience to which that which is most empty is generally uppermost.
A MAN said the only reason why his dwelling was not blown away in a late storm was, because there was a heavy mortgage on it.
A REMARKABLY ugly and disagreeable man sat opposite Jerrold at a dinner-party. Before the cloth was removed, Jerrold accidentally broke a glass. Whereupon the ugly gentleman, think...
A YOUTH had borrowed a hundred pounds of a very rich friend, who had concluded that he should never see them again. He was mistaken, for the youth returned him the money. Some time...
A WITCH, being at the stake to be burnt, saw her son there, and desired him to give her some drink. No, mother, said he, it would do you wrong, for the drier you are, the better yo...
IF ancient poets Argus prize, Who boasted of a hundred eyes, Sure greater praise to her is due, Who looks a hundred ways with two.
SYDNEY SMITH, calling one day upon a fellow contributor to the Edinburgh Review, found him reading a book preparatory to writing an account of it, and expostulated with him. Why, h...
LORD MELBOURNE, inspecting the kitchen of the Reform Club, jocosely remarked to Alexis Soyer, chef de cuisine, that his female assistants were all very pretty. Yes, my lord, replie...
READER, beware immoderate love of pelf, Here lies the worst of thieves,--who robbed himself.
A CAPTAIN in the navy, meeting a friend as he landed at Portsmouth, boasted that he had left his whole ship's company the happiest fellows in the world. How so? asked his friend. W...
THAT idiot W---- coming out of the Opera one night, called out, Where is my fellow?--Not in England, I'll swear, said a bystander.
CHARLES II. playing at tennis with a dean, who struck the ball well, the king said, That's a good stroke for a dean.--I'll give it the stroke of a bishop if your Majesty pleases, w...
A LEARNED doctor has given his opinion that tight lacing is a public benefit, inasmuch as it kills off all the foolish girls, and leaves the wise only to grow into women.
WHEN the Duke of Northumberland first called to see Mr. Bewick's workshops at Newcastle, he was not personally known to the engraver. On discovering the high rank of his visitor, B...
IT is a common occurrence in the University of Cambridge for the undergraduates to express their approbation or disapprobation of the Vice-Chancellor, on the resignation of his off...
AN officer who commanded a regiment very ill-clothed, seeing a party of the enemy advancing, who appeared newly equipped, he said to his soldiers, in order to rally them on to glor...
LORD BYRON notes: What a wreck is Sheridan! and all from bad pilotage; for no one had ever better gales, though now and then a little squally. Poor dear Sherry! I shall never forge...
HOOD suggests that the phrase republic of letters was hit upon to insinuate that, taking the whole lot of authors together, they had not got a sovereign amongst them.
I NEVER was ruined but twice, said a wit; once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I gained one.
CONGREVE was disputing a point of fact with a man of a very positive disposition, but one who was not overburdened with sense. The latter said to him, If the fact is not as I have...
A YORKSHIRE nobleman, who was fond of boasting of his Norman descent, said to one of his tenants, whom he thought was not addressing him with proper respect: Do you know, fellow, t...