An American and a Scotsman were walking one day near the foot of one of the Scotch mountains. The Scotsman, wishing to impress the visitor, produced a famous echo to be heard in th...
"I know a nature-faker," said Mr. Bache, the author, "who claims that a hen of his last month hatched, from a setting of seventeen eggs, seventeen chicks that had, in lieu of feath...
In a large store a child, pointing to a shopper exclaimed, "Oh, mother, that lady lives the same place we do. I just heard her say, 'Send it up C.O.D.' Isn't that where we live?" A...
_See_ Art.
Pius the Ninth was not without a certain sense of humor. One day, while sitting for his portrait to Healy, the painter, speaking of a monk who had left the church and married, he o...
One day a mother overheard her daughter arguing with a little boy about their respective ages. "I am older than you," he said, "'cause my birthday comes first, in May, and your's d...
"Mamma," complained little Elsie, "I don't feel very well." "That's too bad, dear," said mother sympathetically. "Where do you feel worst?" "In school, mamma."
While building a house, Senator Platt of Connecticut had occasion to employ a carpenter. One of the applicants was a plain Connecticut Yankee, without any frills. "You thoroughly u...
Fun is like life insurance, th' older you git th' more it costs.--_Abe Martin_. _See also_ Amusements.
A gentleman, not at all wealthy, who had at one time represented in Congress, through a couple of terms a district not far from the national capitol, moved to California where in a...
BIG MAN (with a grouch)--"Will you be so kind as to get off my feet?" LITTLE MAN (with a bundle)--"I'll try, sir. Is it much of a walk?"
Senator Gore, of Oklahoma, while addressing a convention in Oklahoma City recently, told this story, illustrating a point he made: "A northern gentleman was being entertained by a...
A western buyer is inordinately proud of the fact that one of his ancestors affixed his name to the Declaration of Independence. At the time the salesman called, the buyer was sign...
"Say, dad, remember that story you told me about when you were expelled from college?" "Yes." "Well, I was just thinking, dad, how true it is that history repeats itself." WANTED:...
"How did you find the weather in London?" asked the friend of the returned traveler. "You don't have to find the weather in London," replied the traveler. "It bumps into you at eve...
An Aberdonian went to spend a few days in London with his son, who had done exceptionally well in the great metropolis. After their first greetings at King's Cross Station, the you...
_See_ Etiquet; Woman.
Albert was a solemn-eyed, spiritual-looking child. "Nurse," he said one day, leaving his blocks and laying his hand on her knee, "nurse, is this God's day?" "No, dear," said the nu...
In the smoking compartment of a Pullman, there were six men smoking and reading. All of a sudden a door banged and the conductor's voice cried: "All tickets, please!" Then one of t...
Pharaoh had just dreamed of the seven full and the seven blasted ears of corn. "You are going to invent a new kind of breakfast food," interpreted Joseph.--_Judge_.
A former resident of Marshall, Mo., was asking about the old town. "I understand they have a curfew law out there now," he said. "No," his informant answered, "they did have one, b...
The father of the family hurried to the telephone and called up the family physician. "Our little boy is sick, Doctor," he said, "so please come at once." "I can't get over much un...
In some of the college settlements there are penny savings banks for children. One Saturday a small boy arrived with an important air and withdrew 2 cents from his account. Monday...
She was from Boston, and he was not. He had spent a harrowing evening discussing authors of whom he knew nothing, and their books, of which he knew less. Presently the maiden asked...
A story that has done service in political campaigns to illustrate supposed dilemmas of the opposition will likely be revived in every political "heated term." Away back, when herd...
An American took an Englishman to a theater. An actor in the farce, about to die, exclaimed: "Please, dear wife, don't bury me in Yonkers!" The Englishman turned to his friend and...
"What's the matter with Briggs?" "He was getting shaved by a lady barber when a mouse ran across the floor."--_Life_.
An American tourist, who was stopping in Tokio had visited every point of interest and had seen everything to be seen except a Shinto funeral. Finally she appealed to the Japanese...
THE MAN AT THE DOOR--"Madame, I'm the piano-tuner." THE WOMAN--"I didn't send for a piano-tuner." THE MAN--"I know it, lady; the neighbors did."
TEACHER--"Tommy, do you know 'How Doth the Little Busy Bee'?" TOMMY--"No; I only know he doth it!"