STEPHEN KEMBLE (who was very fat) and Mrs. Esten, were crossing the Frith, when a gale sprang up, which alarmed the passengers. Suppose, Mr. Kemble, said Mrs. Esten; suppose we bec...
IF an earthquake were to engulf England to-morrow, said Jerrold, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubbish, just to celebrate the event.
AN Irish post-boy having driven a gentleman a long stage during torrents of rain, was asked if he was not very wet? Arrah! I wouldn't care about being very wet, if I wasn't so very...
DR. MEAD, calling one day on a gentleman who had been severely afflicted with the gout, found, to his surprise, the disease gone, and the patient rejoicing on his recovery over a b...
A LADY asked a sailor whom she met, why a ship was called she. The son of Neptune replied that it was because the rigging cost more than the hull.
HATTON, who was a considerable favorite at the Haymarket Theatre, and particularly in the part of Jack Junk, was one night at Gosport, performing the character of Barbarossa. In th...
AT a dinner-party, one of the guests used his knife improperly in eating. At length a wag asked aloud: Have you heard of poor L----'s sad affair? I met him at a party yesterday, wh...
LORD CHANCELLOR HARDWICK'S bailiff, having been ordered by his lady to procure a sow of a particular description, came one day into the dining-room when full of company, proclaimin...
A CANDIDATE at an election, who wanted eloquence, when another had, in a long and brilliant speech, promised great things, got up and said, Electors of G----, all that he has said...
GENERAL D---- was more distinguished for gallantry in the field than for the care he lavished upon his person. Complaining, on a certain occasion, to the late Chief-Justice Bushe,...
TWO pedestrian travellers, natives of the North, had taken up their quarters for the night at a Highland hotel in Breadalbane: one of them next morning complained to his friend tha...
A REFORMED Parliament, exclaimed a Conservative the other day, will never do for this country.--No! but an unreformed would, and that quickly, replied a bystander.
A FOREIGNER asked an English tailor how much cloth was necessary for a suit of clothes. He replied, twelve yards. Astonished at the quantity, he went to another, who said seven wou...
AN old lady, being desirous to be thought younger than she was, said that she was but forty years old. A student who sat near observed, that it must be quite true, for he had heard...
THE friends and opponents of the Bill, said a'Beckett, are divided into two very distinct classes,--the a-bility and the no-bility.
A LITTLE boy having been much praised for his quickness of reply, a gentleman present observed, that when children were keen in their youth, they were generally stupid and dull whe...
A YOUNG lady, pressed by friends to marry a decent, but poor man, on the plea, Marry for love, and work for siller, replied, It's a' vera true, but a kiss and a tinniefu[C] o' caul...
A SERVANT of an old maiden lady, a patient of Dr. Poole, formerly of Edinburgh, was under orders to go to the doctor every morning to report the state of her health, how she had sl...
A PERSON addicted to lying, relating a story to another, which made him stare, Did you never hear that before? said the narrator. No, says the other: Pray, sir, did you?
MISS KELLY standing one day in the street, enjoying the vagaries of punch with the rest of the crowd, the showman came up to her and solicited a contribution. She was not very read...
A MALEFACTOR, under sentence of death, pretending that he was related to him, on that account petitioned Lord Chancellor Bacon for a reprieve. To which petition his lordship answer...
A NOTORIOUS miser having heard a very eloquent charity sermon, exclaimed, This sermon strongly proves the necessity of alms. I have almost a mind to turn beggar.
A COXCOMB in a coffee-house boasted that he had written a certain popular song, just as the true author entered the room. A friend of his pointed to the coxcomb: See, sir, the real...
DURING the interregnum after the death of King Charles I., the soldiers were accustomed to visit the theatres and rob the audience, so that it was said to be part of the stage dire...
(On Alderman Wood's being afraid to pledge himself even to the principles he has always professed.) SURE in the House he'll do but little good Who lets I dare not, wait upon I WOOD...
HOW wisely Nature, ordering all below, Forbade a beard on woman's chin to grow, For how could she be shaved (whate'er the skill) Whose tongue would never let her chin be still!
SIR GODFREY KNELLER latterly painted more for profit than for praise, and is said to have used some whimsical preparations in his colors, which made them work fair and smoothly off...
THE first of all the royal infant males Should take the title of the Prince of Wales; Because 'tis clear to seamen and to lubber, Babies and whales are both inclined to blubber.
A FRENCHMAN, who had learned English, wished to lose no opportunity of saying something pretty. One evening he observed to Lady R., whose dress was fawn color, and that of her daug...
RETURNING from hunting one day, George III. entered affably into conversation with his wine-merchant, Mr. Carbonel, and rode with him side by side a considerable way. Lord Walsingh...