A PHRENOLOGIST remarking that some persons had the organ of murder and benevolence strongly and equally developed, his friend replied, that doubtless those were the persons who wou...
A SAILOR went to a watchmaker, and presenting a small French watch to him, demanded to know how much the repair of it would come to. The watchmaker, after examining it, said, It wi...
THE usual place of resort for Dublin duellists was called the Fifteen Acres. An attorney of that city, in penning a challenge, thought most likely he was drawing a lease, and invit...
WHEN the Duke of Wellington was at Paris, as Commander of the Allied Armies, he was invited to dine with Cambaceres, one of the most distinguished statesmen and gourmets of the tim...
AN eminent Scottish divine met two of his own parishioners at the house of a lawyer, whom he considered too sharp a practitioner. The lawyer ungraciously put the question, Doctor,...
A CELEBRATED wit was asked why he did not marry a young lady to whom he was much attached. I know not he replied, except the great regard we have for each other.
ON the occasion of starting a convivial club, somebody proposed that it should consist of twelve members, and be called The Zodiac, each member to be named after a sign. And what s...
A SCHOOLMASTER said of himself: I am like a hone, I sharpen a number of blades, but I wear myself in doing it.
SAID Bluster to Whimple, You juvenile fool, Get out of my way, do you hear? Said Whimple, A fool did you say? by that rule I'm much in your way as I fear.
A SCHOOLMASTER asked one of his scholars in the winter time, what was the Latin for cold. O sir, answered the lad, I forget at this moment, although I have it at my fingers' ends.
AT a tea-party, where some Cantabs were present, the lady who was presiding Hoped the tea was good.--Very good, indeed, madam, was the general reply, till it came to the turn of on...
ONE of James Smith's favorite anecdotes related to Colonel Greville. The Colonel requested young James to call at his lodgings, and in the course of their first interview related t...
AN English journal lately contained the following announcement: To be sold, one hundred and thirty lawsuits, the property of an attorney retiring from business. N.B. The clients ar...
MR. DOUGLAS, son of the Bishop of Salisbury, was six feet two inches in height, and of enormous bulk. The little boys of Oxford always gathered about him when he went into the stre...
A GENTLEMAN going to take water at Whitehall stairs, cried out, as he came near the place, Who can swim?--I, master, said forty bawling mouths; when the gentleman observing one sli...
AN old gentleman of eighty-four having taken to the altar a young damsel of about sixteen, the clergyman said to him, The font is at the other end of the church.--What do I want wi...
AN Irish gentleman was relating in company that he saw a terrible wind the other night. Saw a wind! said another, I never heard of a wind being seen. But, pray, what was it like!--...
WHEN ladies wore their dresses very low and very short, a wit observed that they began too late and ended too soon.
SOYER is gone! Then be it said, At last, indeed, great PAN is dead.
THE British sailors had always been accustomed to drink their allowance of brandy or rum clear, till Admiral Vernon ordered those under his command to mix it with water. The innova...
FROM a wife of small fortune, but yet very proud, Who values herself on her family's blood: Who seldom talks sense, but for ever is loud, Libera me! From living i' th' parish that...
A LANDLADY, who exhibited an inordinate love for the vulgar fluid gin, would order her servant to get the supplies after the following fashion: Betty, go and get a quartern loaf, a...
IT was observed of an old citizen that he was the most regular man in London in his attendance at church, and no man in the kingdom was more punctual in his prayers. He has a very...
JOSEPH II., emperor of Germany, travelling in his usual way, without his retinue, attended by only a single aide-de-camp, arrived very late at the house of an Englishman, who kept...
BE less prolix, says Grill. I like advice. Grill, you're an ass! Now, surely, that's concise.
LE SAGE, the author of Gil Blas, said, to console himself for his deafness, with his usual humor, When I go into a company where I find a great number of blockheads and babblers, I...
A LADY who painted her face, asked Parsons how he thought she looked. I can't tell, madam, he replied, except you uncover your face.
MR. THACKERAY once designated a certain noisy tragedian Macready and onions.
A CLERGYMAN at Cambridge preached a sermon which one of his auditors commended. Yes, said the gentleman to whom it was mentioned, it was a good sermon, but he stole it. This was re...
THE late Dr. Brand was remarkable for his spirit of contradiction. One extremely cold morning, in the month of January, he was addressed by a friend with,--It is a very cold mornin...