AN old gentleman accused his servant of having stolen his stick. The man protested perfect innocence. Why, you know, rejoined his master, that the stick could never have walked off...
THE toilette of a woman is an altar erected by self-love to vanity.
A LADY had a favorite lapdog, which she called Perchance. A singular name, said somebody, for a beautiful pet, madam. Where did you find it?--O, drawled she, it was named from Byro...
PROFESSOR SAUNDERSON, who occupied so distinguished a situation in the University of Cambridge as that of Lucasian Professor of Mathematics, was quite blind. Happening to make one...
A GENTLEMAN from Ireland, on entering a London tavern, saw a countryman of his, a Tipperary squire, sitting over his pint of wine in the coffee-room. My dear fellow, said he, what...
WHEN Brennan, the noted highwayman, was taken in the south of Ireland, a banker, whose notes at that time were not held in the highest estimation, assured the prisoner that he was...
AN Englishman and a Welshman, disputing in whose country was the best living, said the Welshman, There is such noble housekeeping in Wales, that I have known above a dozen cooks em...
A DRUNKEN fellow coming by a shop, asked an apprentice boy what the sign was. He answered, that it was a sign he was drunk.
THE best history of a serpent we ever remember to have read, was of one killed near one of our settlements in the East Indies; in whose body they found the chaplain of the garrison...
A FRENCH marquis having received several blows with a stick, which he never thought of resenting, a friend asked him, How he could reconcile it with his honor to suffer them to pas...
NO wonder Tory landlords flout Fixed Duty, for 'tis plain With them the Anti-Corn-Law Bill Must go against the grain.
A WEALTHY merchant of Fenchurch Street, lamenting to a confidential friend that his daughter had eloped with one of his footmen, concluded, by saying, Yet I wish to forgive the gir...
A WORTHY Roman Catholic clergyman, well known as Priest Matheson, and universally respected in the district, had charge of a mission in Aberdeenshire, and for a long time made his...
YOU say, without reward or fee, Your uncle cur'd me of a dang'rous ill; I say he never did prescribe for me, The proof is plain,--I'm living still.
DEAN COWPER, of Durham, who was very economical of his wine, descanting one day on the extraordinary performance of a man who was blind, remarked, that the poor fellow could see no...
DANIEL PURCELL, the famous punster, was desired to make a pun extempore. Upon what subject? said Daniel. The king, answered the other. O, sir, said he, the king is no subject.
WHEN Mr. Naylor's father married his second wife, Naylor said, Father, they say you are to be married to-day; are you?--Well, replied the Bishop, and what is that to you?--Nay, not...
LADY ---- spoke to the butler to be saving of an excellent cask of small beer, and asked him how it might be best preserved. I know no method so effectual, my lady, replied the but...
A MASTER of a ship called out, Who is below? A boy answered, Will, sir.--What are you doing?--Nothing, sir.--Is Tom there?--Yes, said Tom. What are you doing?--Helping Will, sir.
A DRUNKEN man was found in the suburbs of Dublin, lying on his face, by the roadside, apparently in a state of physical unconsciousness. He is dead, said a countryman of his, who w...
DURING the short time that Lord Byron was in Parliament, a petition, setting forth the wretched condition of the Irish peasantry, was one evening presented, and very coldly receive...
A PHYSICIAN passing by a stone-mason's shop bawled out, Good morning, Mr. D.! Hard at work, I see. You finish your gravestones as far as 'In the memory of,' and then wait, I suppos...
TWO ladies who inhabit Wapping were having some words together on the pavement, when the daughter of one of them popped her head out of the door, and exclaimed Hurry, mother, and c...
WHY, said a country clergyman to one of his flock, do you always sleep in your pew when I am in the pulpit, while you are all attention to every stranger I invite?--Because, sir, w...
SIR WALTER SCOTT once stated that he kept a lowland laird waiting for him in the library at Abbotsford, and that when he came in he found the laird deep in a book which Sir Walter...
A LEARNED barrister, quoting Latin verses to a brother wig, who did not appear to understand them, added, Don't you know the lines? They are in Martial.--Marshall. Oh, yes; Marshal...
AN Irish gardener seeing a boy stealing some fruit, swore, if he caught him there again, he'd lock him up in the ice-house and warm his jacket.
A RICH peer resolved to make his will; and having remembered all his domestics except his steward, the omission was respectfully pointed out to him by the lawyer. I shall leave him...